Kansas

Other people have typed about this: Anne, Robert, Tao, Some Guy Named Gabe I Don't Know, and Stephen, Colin, and Brandon, all of who I don't know as well. Deb Olin Unferth also typed some things on Tao's blog.

This is about Deb Olin Unferth's and Tao Lin's readings in Lawrence, Kansas and other things:

On Saturday Tao was supposed to come over and make a video with us, but his flight was delayed. At first, we (Anne, Robert, Intern) weren’t sure if he was being delayed on purpose or not. We weren’t quite sure why he would do it on purpose, as we had never really met Tao before. Anyways, Tao did not get into Kansas until Sunday. Though, on Saturday, I helped my employers? screen print some t-shirts to sell at Tao’s reading. It was pretty nice, I think. We mostly made “gay for tao lin” shirts, but we also made some that said “yay tao” and one that said “obese” on it. I got to keep the obese shirt, because we all thought it was funny that I wasn’t obese and would be wearing that shirt. I should have brought it to the reading because Anne and Robert talked about that shirt, and maybe someone would have wanted it. I don’t know. I might get a picture of it up later and maybe offer it to Tao or something, because I can’t imagine myself wearing that shirt in public too often, if at all.

Anyways Anne and Robert and I had lots of fun that night making shirts and figuring out how to make these shirts. I wish we had made some “gay comb” shirts, but our screen sort of messed up for that one. I think I would wear a “gay comb” shirt more often than the “obese” shirt. There was a drawing of a comb between the two words. It was vertically oriented in design. I remember laughing a whole lot about that.

So then Sunday came and Anne gave me a ride to the party before dinner and before the readings. It was a nice car ride, because I got to see some of Kansas that I usually don’t see too often (the only times I’ve traveled to Lawrence, Kansas was at night and I don’t/can’t pay attention to my surroundings then). We listened to some band from Oregon which is supposedly marking the revival of grunge music. Neo grunge or something.

We got to Deb Olin Unferth’s house with a very minor delay. All of the roads were named after states, and I think her house was on Indiana or another I-State. I’m pretty sure it was Indiana, actually. It couldn’t have been Iowa. Iowa Road sounds like a bad road anyways. Anne had to call Robert to get directions. We were sidetracked for maybe five minutes. Anne parked far away from Deb’s house for some reason and she parked next to a puddle on the passenger’s side of the car, so I had to do a weird jump over the puddle and shut the car door at the same time. I didn’t get my feet wet, which is good.

Anne and I went inside and I didn’t know anyone besides Robert because it was just my second official day and first full day on the job. The house was a very nice house, I remember. I think I want to live in a house like that some day, but not in my exceeding youth. I was introduced to Deb and Deb was a very nice woman who reminded me of someone from my middle school and then moved away before high school. I felt sort of weird because I was a fresh face and it seemed like everyone knew everyone else. Anne said she didn’t know too many of the people there, but later on she started naming people who were there. I guess she knew who they were but didn’t know them too well? I don’t know. Either way, I think I was at the lowest part of the knowing people ladder or totem pole or another vertically oriented thing.

There was a table with a lot of vegan food and I had never been around so much vegan food in my life before, I think. I really liked it. The brownies were good and the chips had a nice texture that felt like cardboard but the cardboard tasted good and was maybe dried out a little bit. Not really cardboard. It was a different texture altogether and I’m not quite sure how to put it. Maybe that is what corn is supposed to taste and feel like in a chip.

There was a lot of carrot cake and I remember Tao eating maybe half of it. I felt really shy when Anne introduced me as ____ ______ and I waved at Tao sort of. I felt like talking to Tao about Dragon Warrior or something but I figured that would be too forward and seem a bit off. I mean, I thought it would be nice for someone to just bring it up. Sort of saying, “Hi I like Dragon Warrior too I remember you bringing that up in a story of yours and also Metroid hah hah hah.” It was probably best that I didn’t, because everyone else was talking to Tao about so much it seemed. Tao was sitting at a chair and when he stood up he looked shorter than I expected him to be.

I went outside for a little bit and I saw a funny man jogging down the street. He had some weird pants on and a funny sweater and he was also bald and old. I wanted to laugh so hard but I didn't. I think that scene of him jogging would make for a good transitional scene in a movie.

Anne took some pictures at the party and we both sort of stood back and talked about how we didn’t know people and then we had a cup of wine which was very good. I had another brownie but I felt bad about reaching over people to get it so Anne went over and got a brownie for me and I felt like a helpless intern. I talked to Robert too and told him the brownies were really good. Anyways it was a pretty good party I guess, it’s just that I didn’t do too much of anything or say hi to much of anyone. I mean, I was introduced to people, but I guess it wasn’t really a big deal because there were Two Important Writers around a table of vegan food talking.
I had to use the bathroom so I went upstairs to the bathroom. I remember the upstairs was very nice and simple. The bathroom ceiling was sort of low and at an angle and it made my neck feel weird. After I washed my hands (as a good guest/intern/anyone would do) I sent a text message to my friend Matt that said, “I just used Deb Olin Unferth’s bathroom.” He doesn’t know who Deb Olin Unferth is and I know that. I wanted to feel important. Using someone’s bathroom who is being published by McSweeney’s.

I went downstairs and did the same thing I had been doing for a little while later. I talked to Robert and Anne about shirts Robert would like. Oh! People did the Let’s Wear Someone’s Glasses game. Everyone passed around Robert’s glasses and that was about it. Robert said something about him having a strong prescription. It was really odd to see Robert without his glasses. It was like seeing a cartoon sheepdog lift up that flap of hair in front of his face only to see some goofy eyes (Robert I don’t think your eyes are very goofy) and his face looks better with the flap of hair in front of his face. Deb looked funny in the glasses and I guess Clancy did too, but not so much.

Robert said something about dinner so we went to dinner. Everyone wanted Tao to go with them and Clancy said something about having Tao go with him and whoever else was with him. Tao had already planned to ride with Anne and I so he just told Clancy, “I’m just going to get my bag.” Before that Tao had his hands in his jacket pockets and was swinging his arms around a little bit and I found that amusing. He also did a little hop, I think.

When we got to Anne’s car I sat in the backseat and Tao sat up front. He didn’t step in the puddle because Anne made sure he was aware of it. Robert dropped Tao off at Anne’s car since the car was so far away. When Robert was driving off he yelled “INTERN SITS IN THE BACK SEAT!” It was nice of him to say that.

On the drive over Anne talked about the shirts so I showed Tao the shirts. He seemed to like them. I saw him get out his phone and it looked pretty nice. I think I saw a Verizon logo on his phone, which means I could text message him without any fees. I’m not about to ask for Tao’s phone number because that would be strange. I have a hard time asking for anyone’s phone number and I didn’t want to come off as a dumb fanboy (I don’t really feel like a dumb fanboy, but I guess I have my moments. Is Robert a dumb fanboy? I don’t think so.) Anne and Tao were talking and I forget this part because I was sitting in the back looking out of the window.
When we were walking to the Indian place Tao said something about having Kaplan sponsoring him for the reading.

All of us sat down, and I think there were maybe twenty people or so. Tao and Anne sat across from each other in the corner, next to the window and I sat by Anne, because I wasn’t about to sit around people I didn’t know at all. We saved a seat for Robert right next to me, because he had to run by the liquor store to get some wine for the reading. He came back and sat to my left and showed me the free wine key he got at the store. Deb sat in front of me. The far end of the table was like this:

[Clancy Deb Tao]
tabletabletabletable
[Robert Me Anne]

I felt sort of lucky to be sitting around people who were out doing things instead of being an undergraduate. I ordered some spinach and cheese dish and it was okay. Anne got a really good eggplant dish and Tao got some spicy okra. I thought Deb got the same thing I did, but instead of cheese in hers she had potatoes and I wish I had got that one, because the cheese in mine didn’t remind me of cheese at all.

But before all of that we sat around and everyone talked about things. By things, I mean writers and literary journals and other people connected to writers and schools and publishers and it just reinforced that I don’t know too much about these things. Clancy was really enthusiastic about a lot of things and wanted Tao to sit where he was sitting so he could talk to everyone else, but Tao didn’t want to. Clancy made me nervous for the first half of the restaurant time and I drank all of my water before everyone else. I mean, Clancy seems like a nice guy and I’m sure he is. Apparently he is coming out with a novel and it is being published by FSG, a publisher which is supposed to be really good. I don’t doubt him as a writer, he just made me nervous at the start.

Tao was cutting up his paper placemat for some reason. He made a paper orange garnish for his glass of water (This will be a thing later on) and cut up more pieces of paper. He made a little hoppy thing like a paper frog. I played with it while I waited for our food, which was a very long time. Anne tried to make it hop around, but she couldn’t. I played with the hoppy thing and Tao wrapped the prongs of his fork in paper. It was like a little Christmas present on a fork. He would flick his fork around and the paper would fly over to my plate or my area of the table. I did my best to politely hand Tao his fork paper back to him and I think I did a good job in that respect. This happened maybe two more times and I couldn’t help but sort of laugh as I gave Tao his paper thing back. At this point in time Anne finished her glass of water too and Tao flung his fork paper into her cup and I remember all of the sudden Tao was trying to dig it out with his hand, but his fingers were just sliding around the bottom edges of the glass for what seemed like a long time. Anne decided to swap out my glass for hers. So for the rest of the dinner I was drinking out of what I called in my head, the Tao Lin Hand Glass. He seems like a guy who washes his hands, so I didn’t worry about it too much.

Tao said something about very small poodles (an inch or two tall) and then asked Deb what she would do if McSweeney’s published her book as big as the poodles. They talked about a literary magazine that Tao gave Deb.

At some point in the conversation, everyone was asking everyone else where they came from. Deb asked me where I was from, which was nice, because she was someone I didn’t know at all and she was talking to me! So I told her, “Tennessee” and I think I heard Tao sort of chuckle or give some weird brief laugh. I can sort of see how Tennessee is a funny state to other people who didn’t grow up there.

Tao was saying how I should be his intern and I didn’t know what to think about that. I said something about knowing what he does with his interns. I forget what I said, exactly. I think Tao laughed at that and I know I did and I think Anne might have.

Robert was talking to my about my studio practice (I feel weird calling it that) and what I do in school. I think Robert was being nice because nobody else was talking to me, but I also think Robert was interested as well. My menu was melted a little bit at the top and I said, “My menu is melted a little bit” and then some young woman looked at me and then the menu and then laughed. That was some interaction from another person I didn’t know. Clancy made a lot of eye contact with me because I liked hearing about his stories about lost cars and running in the snow sort of naked.

We didn’t finish our food. Anne said that’s because the food was so rich and that sounds about right. Anne said she can make the eggplant dish.

All of us sat around some more and I felt better and not as nervous. Tao went to the bathroom so Clancy and Deb had to move. It was funny because Tao crawled out of the booth.
After that we left the Indian place and Tao was going to ride in the car with Anne and I but other people wanted Tao to ride with them so he did.

Anne and I got to the reading and it was very very crowded. I saw a teacher of mine last year and she asked how my classes and studio were going and I talked about those things and said something about my more recent stuff. She gave me a hug at the end of the reading and it is sort of weird to have a former teacher hug you. Anyways. We were at the back table setting up the “gay for tao lin” shirts and I had some wine. I was still sort of talking to my former teacher and then Anne was getting a picture of me and then all of the sudden it felt like Tao jumped in front of me all of the sudden. He gave a big smile in the picture and I liked that.

I couldn’t find any empty chairs so I had to stand up for the readings. Robert and Anne spoke into the microphone and their voices sounded loud but not too loud. Their voices also sounded really good, too. They said out loud that I was their intern and pointed to me and people turned around and looked at me and I gave one of those weird waves where I just put my hand up and duck my head down a little bit and do a weird sheepish grin.

I would talk about the readings but I can’t do them justice. Deb’s story was good and she had a nice voice and Tao’s story was good and he had a nice voice in a different way than Deb’s nice voice.

After the reading I went outside and saw a teacher I currently have and that was weird too. He asked about Tao’s pauses and line breaks and none of us knew. He left because he was nervous with all of the people around. I went back inside with Anne and I looked at the artwork on the walls. Tao signed some shirts with my pen and then Anne was leaving which means I had to leave too. We said goodbye to Deb and Tao and I shook Tao’s hand. Tao said, “Intern.”

On the drive back Anne had to get some gas. She said she also wanted to get some water so I went into the Quik Trip and bought a very large bottle of water for her.